Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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