this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
