I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
