my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
