I'm eating all of the evidence.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
