we have pet lesbian snakes
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
