i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
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If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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