I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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