there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
