I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
