My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
