would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
