everyone is single if you try hard enough
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Operation Purity has been aborted
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
