U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
