I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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