I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
