he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
