you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
