How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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