i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Is it because I queefed?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Randomize
