the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
