Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
