I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
