Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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