he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
