she woke up with a sticky ear
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
