I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
