he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
