I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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