So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize