I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
