I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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