She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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