She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
