we have pet lesbian snakes
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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