you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
