I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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