I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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