6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize