i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
