Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
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I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
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can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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