i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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