Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
