from now on my penis is your penis
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
