u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
