tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
this will be a night to untag.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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