why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
