The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
