no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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