That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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