I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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