I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
