you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
