I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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