You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
