I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
