I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
So much rum. So many feels.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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