why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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