I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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