You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
We have so much sex to catch up on
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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