we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
