How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
