Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
