So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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