Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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