i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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