end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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