My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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