i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Randomize
